NIGHT 58: My Night

Challenge: complete. Test of manhood: passed. Profound life-changing satisfaction: achieved. I look at my bike....scream Sata's name....frame freezes right on the best moment, and the credits roll................right? Well, yeah....if this were a movie. But it's not...it's real life. And in real life, after you biked the length of Japan and reached your objective, you have to turn your bike around, and in reverse, redo all that you just did, so that you can get your ass to the airport. And when the airport is 200km north....it's a problem.

After spending enough time on the southernmost point, I finally go back to my usual self. I look up. Hmmm...one hour until sundown. I look down at my legs, feeling my thighs with my hands......I am tired. I got nothing left since I used all my energy trying to get here. I look forward....sigh, all of Sata is ahead of me, plus all the kilometers left to Miyazaki's airport. Highly unlikely, well...impossible I will make it today. I have less than 3 days until departure, but have to find a box, get some gifts and runs some other errands before leaving. I am exhausted, but there is not an inch in me that feels like I won't make it back in time.

I turn my faithful bike around 180 degrees, and leave the place I have been dreaming of for months. I look at the tip of Japan one last time...and continue on. I have little time left today....and Cape Sata is a wild place....beautifully wild during the day, but it must be terrifyingly wild and dark at night. There should be only one hotel nearby, but from what Nose-San told me the previous day, it should be at least a good 20km to 30km away. Plus...I have no clue where it is exactly, and nothing shows up on the maps. 

My legs are so tired that I walk like a penguin through Cape Sata's park trails. I almost forget!! My bottle!! I stop, and collect a sample of Sata's earth, and let it sit on top of Cape Soya's. Ah! What satisfaction. This is my trophy. It symbolizes everything I have experienced in Japan. My most prized possession probably won't make it through customs, as shipping soil is illegal. But....it is worth the shot.

I know, I know. I am not keeping up with my blog's format. I usually post daily about each day. But tonight's night is as profound as today's day, and deserves it's own post. You'll see why.

I head back down the stairs. It's way easier now...I'm going down instead of up. I pass the shrine, still wondering why I didn't get my great spiritual moment. I eventually make it our of the Cape's park. In the tunnel, I stop and pay the lady at the entrance. I rushed in without paying, so I thought I should stop and pay for the upkeep of what I consider to be the most special corner of Japan. I find myself having to stop talking and say goodbye to her as I explain how important this place is for me. A tear almost comes out finally half way through the conversation. She says goodbye to me quite intently....perhaps she's seen enough emotional travelers pass by to understand....I don't know. Maybe she was just nice....

I see the spot where I saw the lighthouse for the first time. I look back one last time, and say my goodbyes, knowing full well that the tip will be hidden from here on end. I have been trying to get to that place for months now. It was the only thing I had on my mind. Now what will I think about? I ride down fast, down the slopes yelling a loud "Arigato Gozaimasu!!!" as I pass by the little white tollbooth. I look back and see the lady waving at me with a great big smile through her little window.

I pass by the beautiful beach and start climbing. I can barely push the bike walking at this point. I look up, and ask, for the first real time in my whole adventure for help..."Please....please just send someone to come pick me up." Then as I climb, I start thinking of what I want to do. Sata was the only thing on my mind until now. It takes me a second....and then I finally know..............."Let's go home." My mind is at peace and my heart is full of pride and accomplishment. I want to go back finally....see my friends, hug my mom and dad, play with my dog, and just do some of the plain and usual stuff.

The Hotel of Hotels
I reach the pink tollbooth...the entrance of Cape Sata. Before I can say my goodbyes, I see a group of old workers who are packing up their trucks after a day of cleaning up the Cape's streets. I said hello earlier on my way in, told them I biked all the way from Hokkaido. As I pass them again, I tell them I made it....and all ten of them clap and cheer for me. I bow all the way down in respect. They may be just a bunch of old farmers and laborers....but these are the inhabitants of Cape Sata....they are all kings and queens to me.

I am about to continue but then I try asking them where the closest hotel is. Surprisingly, they point right next to the tollbooth. What? I double-check with them. They reassure me that there is one right here...and lo and behold...after a one minute ride down an adjacent road, back inside Cape Sata....is a beautiful beach-front hotel. This is the one Nose-San was telling me about! It's right here! Awesome! I don't have to walk through this wild place in the darkness of night in utter exhaustion after all.

I enter the hotel. A calm tune fills the air. Nobody is around. Finally, a man comes out. I tell him my story....but he just sort of brushes it off as if it was no big deal. I laugh inside. This is the man who owns the only hotel here. He has seen may people like me. They must all end up here after their moment of victory. How anti-climactic though, I think as I hold back a smile! He tells me that the ofuro (man-made bath) will be ready in a few hours, as well as my dinner. There is no one else around. I have the hotel to myself.

I enter my room. Beautiful. Huge. This is the biggest and best room I have had in the whole of Japan. I look outside on my very own beachfront balcony, and see the beautiful beach and the bay. I decide to take a walk before the sun sets. I stroll on the beach, walk on a pier, think a bit about my day, and eventually head back to the hotel to bathe and eat.

Into the Calm Night
The ofuro feels wonderful. In there I realize I am not the only one at the hotel after all. A group of 4 old Japanese men enter. I chit chat with them telling them my story and how this is the best day of my life. They invite me to dinner for a drink and I accept as usual. After cooking in the hot water for a while, I dry myself and head toward the hotel's restaurant. The food is fantastic....sashimi, pork, salad, and a big glass of water. I scarf it down really fast. My body needs it. I see the 4 men from the ofuro come in, but decide to forgo the usual making of new friends. I tell them I am tired, and head back to my room. Tonight is special. Tonight....is just for me.

I go out on my balcony. It's dark out but I decide to take a walk. Let's see how Cape Sata looks like at night. I go back to the pier I was on earlier. I see a light at the end of it, moving like as if it was mounted on someone's head. I eventually realize that it is a lonely fisherman. I chat a couple of words with him before looking up into the sky and enjoying the peaceful view. The night is pure magic. The clouds cover half of the sky, while the other half is dotted by a thousand little stars, as well as a beautiful crescent moon. The waves slowly crash onto the rocks, while the sea breeze gently caresses my clean hair. I feel so good. After what might have been an hour, I leave the pier and decide to head to the other side of the bay. There is a small group of houses there. I want to see what Sata's villages look like at night. Maybe, I will even see a shooting star.



The Peaceful Walk in the Little Village with No Name
I head out, walking slowly. I am wearing only my shirt and jeans. The temperature is perfect. I even roll up my sleeves. I am clean and I am comfortable. I don't even have my chest strap on. The lonely light posts shed some light on what otherwise would be a completely dark road. I see the pink tollbooth. It is hidden in the darkness as the light-posts stop for a while. I pass it. The air smells like the sea....the moon provides light and shows me the silhouettes of the tall palms that hug the road of the tollbooth. The mountains of this place surround me in the distance, all black in the cool gentle night. I get to the village, passing by a house. I look inside...see a TV, and watch the show for a minute, wondering what the life of that person must be like. I continue on. The village's only street is empty. No one is out, but I see people moving inside their homes from time to time. I look in as I pass, slowing my step, in the hope of seeing more than a glimpse of the lives of the villagers.

I then see a cemetery. As usual, I give a little head-bow as I always have, saluting the dead who rest here. I have done so with everything....people, animals, great mountains, shrines and tombs. .....I enter the cemetery. I am not afraid of anything anymore. This is a place of peace and resting...not some creepy corner of the Earth that should be avoided. The air smells wonderful here. The inhabitants must pay their respects to their ancestors often....the wind is filled with the perfumes of a thousand different flowers. Each grave has a bouquet. I walk slowly, past the tombs, until I reach the other side of the graveyard. I turn around and look at it. The rows of tombs flank each side of the cemetery. I ponder deeply, as I always have. Life......it's so short, and you only get one after all, I think to myself nodding with a smile. To think that anyone would dare waste it on doing anything but the maximum ...is strange to me. Follow what everyone tells you life should be about, do what everyone expects you to do, be who everyone wants you to be.....and you will find yourself one day on your deathbed, realizing you gave up the only thing that was truly yours.... your life. You....yourself. ......I know I am going to die....no pleasant perfect world comes after that in my book.....I am already in heaven...I am already in hell. That's why it is so important to live. But then again....like a holy man once told me....I don't know. Regardless...I will go back to where I started. I will go back to where I was before I was born. And everything.......everything feels alright. Not an insecure thought in my mind. No need for fear, anxiety and worry. This is what it means to be human....to see all this.....to know you are the master of the Earth, above all other animals and plants, the strongest, the smartest, the best of the best.....and yet........to be so fragile, to feel so temporary....just like all the other things that make up the great universe. I look up to the sky....the clouds are now all gone, and all the stars show themselves to me. So many other worlds, so far away. I won't see any of them. And then I think.............this place.......the Earth......the Earth has to be the most beautiful place in all of existence after all. It has to be.....it's home.

Sitting Under the Jinja of Purpose
I keep going, leaving the cemetery behind. The old houses of the village are so beautiful. Who knows how many lives they have seen pass. I want to explore every dark corner of this place. The rush from today is over....all I have left is peace. I take my time to make my way through the village. I end up at the port and see my hotel in the distance, on the opposite side of the bay. It takes so long to move around when you are enjoying yourself.

Finally, I reach the end of town and turn back. But then...I see it. A Torii...the gate of a jinja (shrine). I look up at the stairs but can't see the shrine. It is dark and the jinja is hidden in the dark. Toriis symbolize the gate that separates the profane, and the sacred. I can't tell how far up the stairs go....but after a moment of hesitation, I scale the stairs.  The end is not far up at all, and then I am face to face with the smallest, most simple jinja. The size of a shed I would say. Not a bit of fanciness on it. I sit in front of it, and just relax. And I wait. I hear one of the locals nearby making noise but never end up seeing who it is. Once in a while, I even hear something small, moving about in the bushes next to the shrine...but I never see anything in the dark. The trees surround the jinja and its stairs, but the middle of the stairs is unhidden, and there is just enough space on top to see the stars. I relax and begin to grow fond of this jinja. So simple....much more beautiful than any palatial holy structure. No golden ornaments. No great statues. No pompous feeling. Just a simple shrine, in the smallest of villages. True beauty. Pure poetry.

I keep relaxing in front of the jinja, hidden away from any people that might be walking through the village, but at the same time, not so deep into the darkness to feel an uneasy feeling. Fortunately, I don't ever see anyone passing by. I think and think, about my day....about my journey here in Japan. Thinking, smiling, and feeling amazingly good about my arrival here. This is the most special place on Earth for me right now. The endorphins are as making their usual journey through my bloodstream, the highways inside of me.......but today I overdid it.....I have an unbelievable amount in me. I feel an amazing happiness and high tonight even just sitting here.

After what must have been at least an hour, I finally decide to leave. But then...right as I turn around, I wonder...... I wonder....what in the world is inside these jinjas?? I always wanted to open one, but never had the time or really the courage to do so. Perhaps it is something that I shouldn't do. But I got all the way here. I have always been respectful to everything and everyone. Followed every rule, official and cultural. I always said thanks and paid respect...even to things that could not say it back. So...I decide to open it. I take the chance, even though one of the villagers keeps making sounds from the adjacent house. Maybe I shouldn't....but I do so in immense respect for this jinja. It is almost calling to me. To open it. See what is inside.

I slowly push the wooden plank that holds the doors closed. Twist the little block of wood at the bottom of the doors, being careful not to make much noise with the old sacred wooden structure while being as delicate as possible with it simultaneously. I pull the doors toward me....and they swing open by themselves revealing the dark interior of the jinja. I take off my shoes and enter it...leaving the doors somewhat open. I look back...I see my shoes on the ground, see the stairs and some of the leaves from the trees. Inside...I sit in the middle and look around. There is a small table in front of me...but I don't go anywhere close to it to touch it in respect. I do not know all the customs of the Shinto philosophy...so I try to leave no impact on the shrine. I put my hands on the floor and feel the dust. It has not been opened in a while, I think to myself. I relax and think. And think. And think. And think. It feels so good to ponder in here.......I stay for several hours in complete peace. I meditate....like someone showed me once in a place of destruction and death, where many lost their lives, and many more will find peace in their pain.

Then I get it. I know what I have to do. What I want to do. I find purpose. I find reason inside the jinja. All I needed was some time. These three months were not only physically healthy for me...but also good for my mind and heart. And the culmination of my time here in Japan.... I find in this simple little jinja. The first time I actually stop and think instead of pondering while cycling. The thought process had been going on since I came here to Japan. I finally get my monumentally profound moment, and a conclusion to all those thoughts. Sitting down, I give my most deep bow yet, until my forehead slightly touches the dusty old floor. What was it exactly, you ask? Well.....that's for me and myself to know and enjoy. It is mine....and mine alone. It took a long time to get to this point...but all I needed was some time to think....and a little help from a lonely and forgotten jinja.

This is the beginning of the next phase in my life. I am done being a child, I am done being a student. I need to start making my own destiny...the way I want to see it play out. The best time of my life starts now...and it all began with Cape Sata, and its tiny little shrine.......my jinja. I remember...before this day, I used to go back to Ostia, my home town in Rome, Italy, the place where I grew up. The place where I left a piece of my heart. In my mind I would go back there, to my childhood apartment, look out the window, remember the rain, and how it used to calm the busy city, slowing everything and everyone down, and wash away the day's soot. The bus, the lady covering her head with a newspaper, the thunder, the few cars left on the road would all move about as the rain came straight down. The city would be quiet for the first time...and all you would hear... was rain. The feeling of peace. This was my place of peace until now. It symbolized where I came from and what meant a lot to me. But now.....now I have entered a new phase of life. There is no more space for that place anymore. Childhood is long gone....I have to begin looking forward. So....the jinja of Cape Sata, it's calm interiors, its simple beauty, its smells, its walls, and its feeling....this will be my new place of peace. This is what I will remember now, when I want to feel at peace. I will go back to this small village...in my mind. Back to this village who's name I don't even know....back to this jinja hidden in the dark. Mysterious inside, as it is outside. I don't know its color. I don't even know what is inside on its back wall. But here, I will go back many times.

I look around the inside of the shrine to remember it as best as possible. I get up and decide to leave. But before doing so, I grab a small broom in the corner, and pay my respects by brushing out some of the dust that has collected over the time the jinja has been forgotten. I won't forget you. I found you. You are the most important jinja in all of Japan....to me.

I get out, put my shoes back on, and close the shrine's doors carefully, putting them exactly back to the way I found them. I finally got to go inside one. I probably shouldn't have...but I did not leave an impact. I kiss my hand and touch the step of the shrine, as I always have. My own tradition... in this crazy world.

I am happy. So happy. Today....is the height of happiness in my life. I feel like I get it a little bit more. My lifelong determination, and the dreams of a mad man...have been finally reassured by some proof. Something tells me that I can live the life I really want. My one and only life. It feels good. The stars, millions of little worlds up above, twinkle gently in the night....and I head back to the hotel on the other side of the bay. A blanket of clouds covers the entire sky by the time I get to the hotel....telling me that my time outside is over.

This night was pure poetry. I chose subconsciously to have it end this way. Decided to leave the hotel, forgo socializing, walk around in the dark....and ended up finding what I needed after all. And the setting....it definitely helped. I can't think of a better place on all of mother Earth to have such a realization.

Fade to Black
Almighty father Sun has been long gone from his sky, and today's passionate attempt to reach my Cape is already in the world of memories, slowly fading, changing, being forgotten....too many little details to hold on to all of them forever. I enter my room. Crash on the bed. Then....just as I start to enter the world of dreams....I see it...look at my window.......and a shooting star falls straight down into the bay outside. ...............I smile. Thank you universe. And rest my tired body, my satisfied mind, and my happy heart.
Goodnight.

PS: Listen to yourself....and follow your dreams....it's all you got in this life. Take the chance.